Afterwards, I started thinking: "Am I just careless or is it meant to be?" Few days ago I got another test back, and yes it was like kamikaze. I was pretty pissed off and thinking of how much I studied for the test. I get pissed off easily when it comes to academic stuff such as scores, grades, stupid prof's, etc. I just don't show it in front of people and try to be cool and happy with what I got. The fact, however, is that I'm never happy with what I get. Someone called me having a standard that is way too high, but I think it's about right. Judging from the fact that I came from an Asian high school where people compare scores and grades all the time, having standards like that does make sense, and I'm very used to having high standard (to me it's not really high, but to other people it is.) My mom once told me that I wasn't in high school anymore so things will definitely get harder, so don't think about getting good grades all the time. I agree with her, but I just can't stop setting standards like my high school standard. Throughout the years of college I learned one thing: getting A's is not easy, especially when it comes to engineering classes. yet getting A's is still like a must-achieve thing to me.
That's why I study all the time. Okay, I need to clarify one thing. Of course everyone studies, but I'm pretty sure no one studies until like 3 everyday including Fridays and Saturdays (I admit I don't do it all the time though.) However, every time when it comes to a test, i get all nervous and my thought just goes like "phew"----completely blank, so I kinda have to go through my own thought process and try to grab that slim knowledge that remains in my brain. Of course, the result is never pleasant, and this always makes me wonder: is it really worth studying so much?
On the other hand, my friend once told me: "Jon, you think you studied so much but always failed on tests. Well, I say it's because you don't study enough, so you fail." True, I agree with him to certain extend, but I only have 24 hrs in a day after all, so how much time do I need to commit to studying to get what I want?
I learned that the world is not fair and humans are not equal after all in my first year of college. I see someone who never study, sleep in classes, and don't even buy the textbooks getting A's, like, solid A's. Compare to them, I'm like a total nerd, but the scores do not show that.
I feel like one day I'm just gonna give up on everything and go take like 10 shots and pass out. I know I'm probably going to have a huge hangover the next day but, o well, who cares. I hope this will never happen, but I have a feeling that the threshold is near......
Well, it's sad that things do not go the way you want, but I guess this is life. At least toughness makes us appreciate the happy moments we have.
But I still want good grades......
Grades do not determine everything though. Learning is more important. Sometimes what you learn shows up in your grade, but that's not always the case. Cheer You Up!!! (X_X)
ReplyDeleteMidterms coming up for me too!
nah i jsut felt like it should whine a bit so it makes me feel more comfortable ahha
ReplyDeletethanks tho
i just got owned by a midterm yesterday
ReplyDeletei know how u feel =)
hang in there man!
Try not too think about it too much...it's the past now. Easy to say hard to do, I know but try. And, You know the mistakes you did on your last test, so you'll probably won't do the same anymore and it'll be fine and you'll have good grade.
ReplyDeleteCheer you up!!!